


And Still, I Rise

by misoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 16:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14937689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misoo/pseuds/misoo
Summary: When Chanyeol wakes up one morning and finds himself to be the only one left in his village, he struggles to cope with the situation. So he decides to leave in search of other humans.





	And Still, I Rise

**Author's Note:**

> Title of this fic taken from a book by Maya Angelou.
> 
> I wrote this last year when i was staying at a clinic and felt many emotions, especially loneliness and despair. I wonder if you can tell by reading this fic. Enjoy! The song I listened to the most white writing was Rise by Taemin.

"Help me"

It was still dark outside when Chanyeol woke up from his sleep, the only thing he could hear was his own fast breathing. It wasn't rare for him to wake up before his alarm clock, but it was rare for him to wake up feeling unsettled.. In the back of his head he could vaguely recall having had a disturbing dream, but by the time he stretched his tired limbs, he had already forgotten about it. 

Only when he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes did he notice that it was a lot quieter than it normally was around the time when he would wake up. Though the village Chanyeol lived in didn't have that many inhabitants, there should still be some noise coming from outside his window; like the farmers doing their work at the farm, or the cars driving to work. 

For a reason that Chanyeol couldn't explain, the silence surrounding him almost seemed dangerous, like a snake quietly waiting for its prey to come closer. He sat up in his bed and held his breath, focusing his ears on trying to pick up any of the sounds he had become accustomed to in the morning. The house was quiet the occasional snoring from his mother, and the quiet footsteps of his dog, Toben, strolling around the house now replaced by a deafening silence. Chanyeol would have thought he had lost his hearing if it wasn’t for the fact that he could hear his own quickening heartbeat.  
Chanyeol took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down, before he decided to get out of bed. Everything was probably all right, he attempted to comfort himself, it was probably just his half asleep brain getting overly paranoid for no reason. The floor was ice cold and he instinctively curled his toes up, only now noticing the small puffs of air every time he breathed. Chanyeol was suddenly reminded of the slowly approaching winter. The other day his neighbors had been fussing about how this would be one of the coldest winters in a few decades. Chanyeol hadn't paid attention to it, uncaring as he knew he would stay warm with his heater.

After putting on socks, he made his way to the living room, where he could oversee a huge part of his village from the windows. As a child, Chanyeol had always hated living so far up on a hill because the way back home from school was tiring, but right now he was glad for how far up his house was located. He didn't bother turning on the lights, as the sun was already slowly creeping up the hills. 

Toben wasn't in his bed, and he didn’t even rush up to Chanyeol like he normally did, which left Chanyeol feeling uneasy. Chanyeol brushed off his unsettled feeling, deciding to call out for the puppy instead of panicking.

"Toben?" he called, keeping his voice down to avoid disturbing his mother. His call received no response, the familiar sound of Toben scurrying towards him missing completely. It was so unnaturally quiet that Chanyeol's fight or flight instincts were being triggered, his self-control only being slightly more powerful than his need to run away. 

He was starting to think that something actually was wrong now and it was becoming harder and harder to keep himself from panicking. He carefully made his way to his mother's bedroom on the second floor, seeking any form of normalness. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, and for the first time in his life Chanyeol was experiencing an oddly claustrophobic sensation. There was panic raging in him, screaming at him to turn back now, but Chanyeol gritted his teeth and commanded himself to stay calm. 

The door to her room was open, as it always was. Years ago, when Chanyeol was half as tall as he was now, his body and mind still childlike, he had asked her why she always kept it open at night. Her answer had made him giggle. "So the ghosts and monsters don't go to your room and hide under your bed, sweetheart!"

Now the words he recalled her saying sent a chill down his spine, the scene in front of him making sure he never forgot those words again. A dark, sticky substance was on the floor next to her bed, and even more was dripping down from her blanket, which was hanging down off the side of her bed. Chanyeol didn't have to look closer to know that the liquid was blood, he was more than familiar with it from his visits to the butcher's son in the past. 

His head started spinning. Chanyeol began to move like he was in a trance, putting one foot in front of the other, approaching her bed while trying not to accidentally step in the puddle. She wasn't in her bed, but he was now close enough to see that the entire bed was drenched in blood. Something was sticking out from under the pillow, and without giving it any thought he carefully lifted the pillow to get a better look at it. Chanyeol immediately regretted his careless decision when he saw what it was; it was his mother's left hand, neatly cut up at the wrist and with all her rings still on. Spots filled his vision, and before he could even think about putting the pillow back down, his vision faded to black. 

 

❋❋❋

 

The first thing Chanyeol noticed as he regained consciousness was the droplets of blood rhythmically dripping down onto his legs. Panicked, he let out a scream and jumped up, only to get greeted by the worst headache he's ever head in his life. He tried to stay still and wait until the pain got more bearable, but it was hard to do as he looked at his surroundings and his blood covered appearance. Chanyeol took deep breaths and looked down at his feet,thinking that he couldn’t handle seeing his mother's hand again. Seeing gore in movies had always made him feel squeamish, but actually seeing real gore in real life was something he never wanted to witness again.

As his appearance wasn’t much better, he decided to look out of the window. Judging by the gentle streams of light caressing his face it seemed to already be around noon. He closed his eyes and took the warmth in, trying to calm his mind down before he decided on his next course of action. 

Once he felt his heartbeat getting steadier, Chanyeol steeled his mind for the sight awaiting him once he looked up. The world started spinning again when he saw all the blood. Now that the sun was up he could see just how much of a mess had been made on his mother's bed. He didn't understand what had happened, yet at the same time he really didn't want to know either. 

There were trails of blood on the ground that he hadn't noticed before, like something had been dragged on the floor. Or someone, Chanyeol bitterly thought. Not being able to handle this situation, he left the room, not wanting to think about the traces he found any longer. Not knowing what else to do, Chanyeol sat down at the dining table, burying his face in his hands. His mind couldn't process what had happened today. It felt like his entire world had been flipped upside down. Deep down he hoped that this was all just a bad joke, but he knew that this was reality. 

His head still hurt, and his chest ached so much that he felt like someone had cleanly ripped his heart out while leaving the rest of his body intact. His mind and body felt like they were barely functioning, and at the current moment he wished he didn't have a heart, to wanting to feel the pain he was currently feeling.

Tears sprang to the corners of his eyes and he quickly accepted there was nothing he could do to stop them, just letting them roll down his face and onto the table. The sound only sound that filled the room was the sound of his tears dripping onto the table, accompanied by his quiet sobs.

Once sis crying stopped and he felt a bit calmer, Chanyeol thought about what he should do. He should probably call the police first, but something inside of him told him that it wouldn't bring him anywhere. Instead, he decided to go check on his neighbors to see if they're all right. His stomach turned when he noticed that he wasn't expecting them to be alive either.

 

Chanyeol's body felt as if it was made of stone as he carried himself to his neighbors house. With every step he took, he could feel his legs become more and more heavy. He rang the bell a few times, but no one answered. Chanyeol walked over to window, where he knew their bedroom was and took a quick glance inside. Their bed was empty, as it would normally be around this time anyway, but something about the appearance of the room looked off. It took him a second to figure out what it was, but as he figured it out, dread began to fill him again. In front of the bed laid a neatly aligned pair of house shoes, along with a bathrobe carelessly sprawled across a chair. Everything in the room looked like it had been placed so it could be put on after waking up, and nothing appeared to have been disturbed since before they went to sleep last night. 

Had something attacked them in their sleep, just like with his mother? If so, how had their bodies just disappeared without a trace? Why was there no blood? His mind was racing when he realized something he had avoided thinking about until now. Where had his mother's body gone? The trails of blood abruptly stopped a few feet in front of the door, almost as if her body had disappeared. No blood on the stairs either. 

Chanyeol could feel the tears coming back, but this time he tried to hold them back and looked up at the sky. The sun was still gently shining down on him and no clouds were in sight which was unusual for this time of the year. To Chanyeol, it felt like the weather was making fun of him today. He started to feel incredibly small and unimportant; the world goes on no matter what happened to him. 

It was then that he made a decision. He would pack his things and leave his home. Something was telling him that no matter how many homes he checked in his village, the outcome would all be the same. They were all gone. 

 

❋❋❋

 

Chanyeol re-entered his room, hastily grabbing the largest backpack he could find and filling it with the necessities. He threw some warm sweaters inside, along with underwear, socks, his toothbrush, a phone charger, and after a second of consideration he added the book he'd currently been reading, The Buried Giant by Ishiguro Kazuo. He switched the dirty pairs of sneakers he had put on earlier with a pair of boots and grabbed his winter coat on his way out. As he closed the door behind him, he suddenly recalled his dog. Chanyeol had a feeling that he wasn't alive either and decided it was better not to go search for him. Just the thought of what he might find, put a bitter taste in his mouth. Overcome with guilt, he opened a bag of dried food and left it by the door, just in case. 

Chanyeol threw his things in the backseat of his car and turned on the engine. In the back mirror he took a last glance at his house, the place where he had spent all his life. He never thought that this would be the way he'd move out of his house. Then again, who could possibly expect this. Letting out a deep sigh, Chanyeol drove towards the nearest highway. He still didn't know where he was heading, or what he was going to do next, but leaving this place was the best thing he could do. He couldn’t possible stay in a place where he would be constantly reminded of what had happened.

Although any street Chanyeol passed was deserted, he still drove like he usually would, carefully paying attention to the rules of the road, not even running a stop sign.. There was absolutely no traffic, not even a single person walking the streets, but he still hoped for some sign that he wasn't alone. From time to time he would pass an empty car that was stopped on the middle of the road. He didn't spot any animals either, not even birds or squirrels.. 

It was a strange feeling like he'd never experienced before, loneliness. He was used to being home alone for a week or two when his mother left, but even then Toben would always be by his side. This whole experience put an entirely new meaning to the word alone. 

Chanyeol turned the radio on, attempting to fill the silence, but the only thing playing was static. Every station was playing the oh so familiar crackling noise, driving him to hysteria. Chanyeol pulled over, connecting No matter how loud he turned the music on, it didn't manage to drown out the sense of loneliness filling his entire being. 

❋❋❋

It was around six pm when Chanyeol finally decided to take a rest. The sun was beginning to creep down behind the mountains surrounding him. Chanyeol stopped the car in a parking lot next to a small lake a few minutes from the road he had been driving on for the last few hours. The water was so clear in the lake, that you could see all the stones and debris at the bottom which had settled there after time. Leaves were still falling from the trees, gently floating through the air as if they were dancing to music he couldn't hear. Chanyeol would have found this scenery beautiful and serene if it hadn't been for the eerie silence. 

Only now did Chanyeol realize how much driving the entire afternoon had tired him out. His shoulders and his back ached from sitting in the same position for so long. He pushed his seat back, put his coat over himself as a make do blanket to keep himself warm for the night and decided to call it a day. 

Surprisingly it didn't take long for his eyes to get heavy and he fell asleep, missing the comfort and warmth of his own bed. 

❋❋❋

Chanyeol woke up screaming and covered in cold sweat. In his dream, the moment in which he had discovered his mother's hand played over and over again, and each time there was more blood covering the entire room. He could hear his mother's voice asking him in a pained voice why he hadn't saved her, begging him to do something about the pain. "Help me", she cried out, and Chanyeol got more desperate with each cry for help. He tried to help her, searching out, but he didn't know where the voice was coming from. He finally woke up when blood started dripping from the walls, all over him. 

Not being able to deal with the negative emotions flooding over him, Chanyeol curled up as small as he could and sobbed. He tried to cry, but it seemed like he had already emptied his tears on the previous day. 

"I'm sorry", he whispered through his dry sobs. He knew it wasn't his fault, he also knew that there was nothing he could do about his mother's disappearance. Yet he was still overwhelmed by a strong sense of guilt mixed with deep sadness about losing everyone who meant something to him overnight. His mother and dog. His neighbors. His friends who he'd known ever since they were still toddlers. 

For a moment Chanyeol let the feelings run over him and waited until the worst was over, now with his chin leaning on his knees and hands clasping his legs tight. He needed to move on and hope for the best, there might be other people like him who were still alive. If that were the case, then Chanyeol needed to look for them and ask if they knew what had happened. If they knew where the rest of the world had disappeared to. 

His stomach grumbled, loudly reminding him that he hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday, and with a shock Chanyeol realized that he had forgotten to take the most important thing with him - food. He mentally slapped himself for taking his book with him, but not something to eat. Chanyeol sighed, then turned on the engine of his car. Hopefully he could find a store nearby, assuming anyone was still there and the store was open. If not, this would be the very first time that he'd illegally break into somewhere. 

❋❋❋

The drive to the nearest town went without any incidents; again he drove by a bunch of randomly parked cars on the roads and periodically looked back once in a while, not giving up on finding any sign that showed him that he wasn't the only one alive on this planet. 

It didn't take him long to find a supermarket and he parked his car on the parking lot. As expected, no one was there, but he still felt uneasy about breaking into a store, especially during daylight where it was so easy to spot him. Chanyeol carefully inspected his surroundings as he got out of the car and made his way to the entrance. It was entirely made out of glass which Chanyeol noted with a pleased hum, he doubted that he'd be able to lock-pick his way inside. 

For a moment he wondered if he should just smash the doors with his car, but then he thought of all the time he'd spent at his part time job last year to be able to pay for it and decided against it. Instead Chanyeol quickly walked over to where he had spotted some large rocks at the far back of the parking lot next to some trees, then carried them back to the entrance one by one. Out of breath and with his forehead covered in a light layer of sweat, Chanyeol took a quick break while quickly scanning the entrance to figure out where it would be the most effective to deal a blow. He decided to break the lower part of the door and crawl in, but it turned out that aiming that low with the rocks wasn't as easy as he had expected it to be. Still, after the fourth try Chanyeol had managed to create a gap large enough for him to carefully fit through. 

Once inside, Chanyeol wiped all the dirt off himself and scratched his head. He spotted a shopping basket to his left and grabbed one then slowly made his way through the store. There was no need for him to pay for the goods so he might as well treat himself. A bottle of wine and some beer? Sure, why not. He needed a good distraction anyway. After not too long, the basket was filled to the brim with food and he walked back to his car to store it all in his trunk. 

He carefully wrapped a sweater around the wine bottle so it wouldn't break, then put everything around it in an attempt to somehow keep it safe. Chanyeol took a bottle of juice and a sandwich to his seat and in instantly started stuffing his mouth. When he was in the store, he had been too nervous to feel how hungry he actually was. With each bite both the nervousness and hunger started fading and got replaced by a pleasant sense of satisfaction. While wiping some breadcrumbs off his face with his left hand, he used his other hand to rummage through his coat in search of his car keys, and swiftly turned the engine on once he found it. 

The digital clock said it was now a bit past 10am. Chanyeol felt like it was time to continue traveling, but where was his destination? When he left his home the day before, all he wanted was to get as far away from the place he once called home as he possibly could. Now that he had rested overnight and filled his stomach, he considered himself to be in a much better mental state than yesterday, so thinking about everything that had happened didn't leave him in as much distress as it had the last time.

He wondered if he should travel to the ocean. All his life had been spent in that village, which was located near mountains and forests, and it had always been his wish to one day walk through the crystal clear water bare feet while gazing at the setting sun. A dark voice at the back of his head piped up and reminded him that the ocean could also be a nice place to end it all since he suddenly had nothing to live for anymore. Chanyeol furrowed his brows and told the negative part in him to shut up. It might all seem meaningless, and it might actually just be meaningless, but Chanyeol didn't want to give up before even trying. There might be others like him who were still alive, and even if the chance of that being possible was almost non-existent, it was worth trying. 

Somewhere in the back of his car he found a huge map, and he carefully spread it on the ground, making sure that it didn't fly away with his phone and a bottle. The internet was down so there was no point in using his phone to pull up Google Maps. Chanyeol quickly found his current location on the map, then tried to find a safe route to the ocean. He found a city further south he had wanted to visit if he were to travel to the ocean, and drew a large cross on it with a pen. Although he wasn't sure what way to take to get there, he had at least found his destination. He estimated that the trip would take him about 2 weeks or more, depending on how early he started driving. 

Chanyeol got back to his car then decided to head south for now, and check the map from time to time to make sure that he didn't accidentally stray further away from his goal. He took one last glance at his phone wallpaper, where both his mother and him were pictured eating breakfast, then with a heavy heart slowly started driving out of the parking lot. 

❋❋❋

Instead of taking the highway which would be the easiest way to reach the city, Chanyeol decided to mainly stay on country roads and enjoy the scenery as much as he could, with all the empty cars on the road. But he learned to ignore them after a while anyway. On his third day he passed a large river surrounded by trees covered in beautiful shades ranging from red to yellow to light brown, and he stopped to take some pictures on his phone. Usually he would immediately send them to his mom and friends, but with them gone all that was left for him to do was to quietly look at the pictures he had taken on his own. 

During the next few days Chanyeol stopped to break into supermarkets twice, or as he preferred to call it, grab some food, and each time he took some time to explore the surroundings and look for other possible survivors. He drove around the abandoned streets and called out occasionally, in case someone was somewhere he couldn't spot with his car. Yet the outcome was still the same and he ended up leaving without having seen another person. The loneliness was starting to bother him, like a toothache it was constantly there, always painfully reminding him that he had no one any longer.

It was easy for him to not get lost in his thoughts during the day, mainly because he had to watch the road and was prone to daydreaming instead of ruminating about things occurring in real life. But the nights were a completely different thing. After the first nightmare, Chanyeol struggled to fall asleep.When he did get sleep, he woke up in the middle of the night a few times, and every time with a scream escaping from his lips. When that happened, he ended up staying up for at least an hour, unable to repress all the negative thoughts he managed to keep at bay during the day now that he was surrounded by darkness. He began to think that it would have been better for him to die instead of everyone else. What was the point of him still being alive? Everything he had lived for is now gone. 

With each empty town or village he passed while traveling, he became more determined to end his life by drowning himself if nothing changed by the time he reached the city by the ocean. "Don't give up before trying", is what his mother had teached him, but she would forgive him if there still wasn't anything to live for for him by then, right? Right now he was still trying. He was living. 

Yet he noticed himself also dying at the same time, Chanyeol stopped seeing the beauty in things around him that made life worth living on earth; the scenery around him was long forgotten, and the food started to lose its taste. Looking at his phone gallery didn't leave a sad smile on his lips any longer, now all it did was rip the hole in his heart up more, little by little. It had been days since Chanyeol last used his toothbrush or brushed his hair, he didn't feel like there was any point in doing those things anymore. Finding the strength to get up and eat breakfast then continue driving further south seemed almost impossible to him, the only thing keeping him going forward was the fact that soon, all of this would be over and he wouldn't have to wake up ever again.

One morning, when he routinely checked the map to confirm his current location, it took him by surprise by how quickly he had advanced the past few days; his destination was merely a day or two away. Joy, a feeling he hadn't felt in what felt like too long, started bubbling in him and for once he didn't have to force himself to eat some food before he departed. Chanyeol thought that it might be odd that he was so excited to die, but then again, who else had been in his shoes and knew how he felt? No one could judge him for being tired. "Not like anyone's there to judge me anyway", he sighed.


End file.
